euthymia (euthymia) wrote,

My house was a home, what is it now?

Having N here did, as in the song, turn my house into a home.

Now that she has gone, what is my house?

It's surely the place where I live (such as living is for me these days), and where I work as well. My dog is here, but I think we're both kind of confused.

Today, walking around the place, every room seemed to have a mocking quality; all I could do was remember happier times. Each memory just something that I had once had and then fucked up and lost. My own house, making fun of me for getting dumped by my girlfriend.

I made a pledge to Kittery this afternoon that I would fill the house with life again if I possibly could. We'll see how I do.

Losing the comfort of N's presence in my life was and is awful. Being N's significant other was a part of my identity that I actively cultivated. I was so proud to be with her, always so pleased when I met someone who knew her.

My sense of purpose, sense of identity, sense of belonging to a community, they've all taken serious damage.
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